A Tough Question about Spiritual Leadership in the Home

Have you been found by your old friends through the miracle of Facebook? Recently, I received a note from a friend I went to church with in Virginia. We were reflecting about the spiritual condition of our youth group. Basically, ours was a pretty sad group spiritually.

I’m sure if we had taken a poll, most of us thought we were Christians. When you compared our lifestyles with the standards of the Bible, however, we fell woefully short. Does that sound like your youth group experience?

My old friend mentioned that she had rededicated her life to the Lord as an adult. I picked up on that because for many years I told people that I had done the same, although late in my teen years.

She followed up with questions that may not seem related to the state of our youth group at first, but see if you can make a connection. I’m quoting her note with her permission.

“OK, so I have a question for you? Does the Bible not teach us that the man, who is head of the house hold, is supposed to be the spiritual leader in the house? It should not be that he just goes to avoid a fight or for show, and then lives his life as a sinner the rest of the week.”

“This is how all men who have ever been in my life have been starting with my father. Like my mother, I have always had to be the spiritual leader of my family, and I can’t seem to meet a man who shares the same beliefs about God, church and family that I do. Even single men in Church only want one thing. I have prayed about it. So people don't understand why I don’t remarry, why God, my kids and school come first in my life.”

Here is how I replied. Do you think my answer was too radical?

“Hey--thanks for the notes. Let me go back to your first note before trying to answer the second. I picked up on where you said that you rededicated your life to the Lord as an adult. For a few years I told folks that I had rededicated my life to the Lord in my later teen years. In college I read a book by a pastor named John MacArthur called The Gospel According to Jesus.”

“He makes a great case that it is only those that follow Jesus that are Christians (as opposed to those who mentally believe the right facts about Jesus...and then pretty much live for themselves). The little book of 1 John is all about the tests of being a real Christian. I know that when we were all friends, I was failing those tests.”

*** Let me pause for a moment from my reply. In an earlier note to this same person, I listed some of the characteristics of true Christians like a love for the Lord Jesus, a desire to pray and read the Bible, a real effort to obey the Bible, and a profound love for other people.

Most of our youth group knew a lot of Bible stories, believed the facts about Jesus, knew basic right from wrong (and felt bad when we did wrong), and weren’t nearly as bad as some of our friends from school. But I know for me, I did not have those basic qualifications for being a follower of Jesus.

Certainly, no one is saved by religious efforts. The Bible is clear that we are saved from God’s wrath by faith alone in Jesus Christ alone. You and I can never be good enough to meet God’s standard of righteousness.

Paul said, “But when the goodness and loving kindness of God our Savior appeared, he saved us, not because of works done by us in righteousness, but according to his own mercy, by the washing of regeneration and renewal of the Holy Spirit, whom he poured out on us richly through Jesus Christ our Savior, so that being justified by his grace we might become heirs according to the hope of eternal life (Titus 2:4-7).

Now back to my reply. Here is where I connected her first note about the spiritual state of our youth group to her questions about spiritual leadership.***

“Now, I think that the answer to your second note might be related. For example, a single guy in your church who is a real follower of Jesus will not be ‘after one thing.’ I don't say that to be critical. I certainly believe Christians sin and can backslide for a while. The issue is what a person is characterized by.”

“When you read passages like 1 Corinthians 6:9, 10 it seems pretty clear. ‘Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor men who practice homosexuality, nor thieves, nor the greedy, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God.’”

“The next verse is really sweet though. ‘And such were some of you. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.’ Even though I think most of our youth group were unsaved and many in today’s churches claiming to be Christians but not living for Jesus are deceived, there is awesome hope for forgiveness and real change in Christ.”

*** The reason I think my friend feels like the men in her church experiences aren’t seeking the Lord and trying to lead their families to do the same is that they are not real Christians. My reply might sound too radical for her to handle, because in our youth group back in Virginia, I believe the problem was the same.

What do you think? Have you ever considered what Jesus requires of his followers? Are you underwhelmed by people (even church people) claiming to be Christians, but living for themselves? Perhaps that describes your lifestyle. If so, examine yourself to see whether or not you are in the faith (2 Corinthians 13:5).

While in one sense it is scary to realize that you are not really a Christian. But in a far more important sense, you’ve got to know you are sick before you will come for the cure. Ask Jesus to show you your sin. Then ask him to save you from God’s wrath and change your heart and life!